Seriously though. I’m already cringing and I’m not even done writing yet! ::shudder::
But let’s hurry and finish this post before I start breaking out into hives.
Your Handbag Size is Bigger Than Your Body
I can’t believe I’m about to go John Mayer on you, but I’m going there. Why on Earth should your
designer handbag be bigger than your body? What could you possibly need to carry with you in a mammoth of a bag? Hopefully not your house! Bonus points if you get my John Mayer reference.
Clothing Color That Nearly Matches Your Skin Tone
Why?! Why?! I don’t and will never understand this. And yes, people notice when your clothes wash you out or make you look like you’re not wearing anything. Oy vey!
Clothing Size Too Small/Large
Yes, personal stylists exist. And in stores like Nordstrom and Neiman Marcus, their services are free. You read that correctly. F-R-E-E! So technically, you shouldn’t have an excuse for not knowing how to dress your body type. I mean, even celebrities have personal stylists for a reason: they know the world wide web is forever and everyone’s got a camera phone these days. Oh and just so you know, those wrinkles you see on your jeans/pants means they’re too tight. I also call them crotch whiskers. We have hair there already. Don’t give the illusion of more hair. You don’t want that. Trust me.
Your Outfit is Way Too Matchy-matchy
Stop it with the pink shoes, pink bag, pink necklace, pink earrings and pink lipstick. Being too matchy-matchy can be pretty scary. If you must match, choose two things to match. AT MOST. If you want to do all of the above, wait for Halloween and go as a contestant on What Not to Wear.
Wearing All the Trends In One Outfit
No, you don’t have to wear all the trends you like at once. Although you’d be an interesting person to people watch, it’s okay to pick ONE lane for the day.
Leggings As Pants
I love leggings as much as the next person. IF you’re going to do this, respect the public by wearing a top that covers your butt AND crotch. None of that high-low stuff going on.
Huge Polka Dot Print
Mini/small polka dot prints are okay. Big polka dot prints are not. Unless your goal is to look like Minnie Mouse or a clown, stop it with the huge polka dots. It not cute on any adults. And by adults, I mean 18 and older. Period.
Piled On Accessories
If you look like your accessories are weighing you down to keep you from flying away, you may have on too much. It’s okay to not accessorize your bag with a keychain or wear an “arm party” up to your elbows.
Wearing gigantic designer logos makes you look desperate. Oh and note, if you wear multiple gigantic designer logos, I don’t care if what you’re wearing is real, it comes off looking extremely fake. So be kind to your wallet. Don’t look fake when indeed the items you’re wearing drained your bank account and are real.
Same Pattern Yet Slightly Different
This is to all the leopard print fans out there. It is NOT okay, I repeat NOT okay to wear different shades and patterns of leopard print in one outfit. No, not even two items. Trust me. One leopard print item makes enough of a statement. But two mismatched leopard print is indeed calling for a warrant for your arrest from the fashion police.
Yep, I just talked about style sinning. You hear that? It’s me breathing a sigh of relief now that this blog post is finished!
What are some of your fashion pet peeves?!
Please note that I’m a very lighthearted person so this post is meant to be fun and personally opinionated.