I Will Not Compete With You

Because she competes with no one, no one can compete with her. —Lao Tzu

As I am blessed to age and get older, I have learned over the years what I will and will not tolerate from others and myself.

And along the way, I’ve been caught in the crossfires of people’s mindset by the way I’ve been treated, especially (and mostly) by women.

What do I mean, you ask?

One thing I’ve never understood since high school is the need for women to compete with one another.

And I’ve never understood the direct (or indirect) hate that comes from women when I don’t partake in said competition either.

Today, I wanted to share why women like me hate to compete with other women.

BUT FIRST, A LITTLE BACKSTORY

My first experience with competing with other women was in drill/dance team in high school. Ironically, the first time I ever experienced a sense of competition was from girls in my said dance class.

Long story short, some girls indirectly threatened me (who didn’t confront me face-to-face either). I found out from someone else that I was going to get “beat up” if I didn’t stop talking to a particular guy. Another girl had liked this guy whom I was friends with and didn’t like the fact that he would spend his time talking to me.

I didn’t even know I was competing for him because that wasn’t even my focus, ha! I still remember my sassy self saying something like, “It’s not my fault she’s jealous! She’s busy trying to stick her tongue down his throat while I’m focused on being his friend!” I let it go because I did not like the drama at all!

My second experience was when a former friend of mine from college said something along the lines of, “Well, you never have to worry about guys choosing you because they always will choose you over girls like me!” Again, I had no idea I was in a competition especially with her. I let it go as well because I didn’t want to direct any energy towards it.

Lastly, without going into too much detail, my most recent experience happened a few weeks ago. I tried to talk and befriend this girl at an event. She completely ignored me and even though I didn’t know why, I let it go.

Come to find out, she’s a love interest of someone I spend time with a few times a week. Ah, now it all made sense…

WHY SOME WOMEN FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE

While I can’t speak for all women, I have found from personal experience that some women feel the need to compete because they are insecure with themselves.

Is it also jealousy? Yes…if you understand the roots of jealousy.

From what I’ve learned from my research, some main root causes of jealousy is mostly low self-esteem, feeling possessive of others, and fear of abandonment.

However, I truly believe that women feel the need to compete because of their inability to see that they are special in their own right/way. It all boils down to their identity and how they truly see themselves deep down.

**AND WHY SOME WOMEN HATE TO COMPETE**

Women like me hate to compete because of several reasons:

If I partake in competing with another woman, it means I need to prove myself. And I already know I’m fearfully and wonderfully made. To see myself any differently is to dismiss what God says about me and I never want to disappoint Him in that way.
I know Who I belong to because I was bought with a price. On top of that, I know that what/who God wants to bless me with will be His absolute best and will never miss me. It’s His timing, not mine.
Competing is a waste of time and I have too long of a to-do list I need to tend to. Talk about being this unbothered, ha!
Competing is also very energy-draining. I like to preserve my energy for things I want to do and spend time with people who matter to me.
Lastly, I don’t chase. I attract. Why? Because it’s easier and takes much less effort! Why force it? I’ve never understood people who use force to get what/who they want. I love being myself! And if it results in wonderful people being attracted to me because I’m being myself? Even better! That’s exactly what I want to happen, genuine and authentic connections!

All in all, I hope you’ve enjoyed this off-the-cuff article! I felt the need to write about this topic to help others and to get this off my chest too. What do you have to say about comparison and competition?