It’s Singles Day 2019 and who would’ve thought I’d be writing about this topic?! “Not I,” said, me (if you got this reference, brownie points for you)! But seriously, I didn’t plan on writing about this specific subject today until I learned what day it was aside from Veterans Day.
Speaking of, please thank a veteran today. And not just today, but when you’re out and about on an ordinary day, take the time to thank them. As citizens, it’s the least we should do for all they (and their families) have sacrificed and done for us.
Let’s get back on today’s topic. For the last five or so years, it seems like all of my friends are getting engaged, married, or announcing that they’re pregnant. And if you’re like the old me, you’re so happy for them. However, at the same time, you feel sad, am I right?
I totally get what you’re feeling, which is why I wanted to use today as a reason to talk to you about an important subject: singleness. I wanted to not only share the benefits of being a single woman or a single man, but why it’s important to have a period of time where you are alone.
Most people say there is freedom when you’re single.
That is correct. We don’t have to “answer to anyone” and can come and go as we please, spend how much ever money we want, travel where we want, and basically live on our own terms.
However, aside from freedom, I’d say the best thing that can come from being single is three-fold:
KNOWING WHO YOU ARE.
One of the most important things about being single is knowing who you are as a person. To me, finally coming into one’s identity as a single man/woman is such a gift. Correct me if I’m wrong, but most of us spend all our lives doubting ourselves and our abilities. It is when we spend time alone and finally coming to an understanding of who we are is when we have the utmost confidence in ourselves.
Considering that there are a lot of people who are uncomfortable in their skin and most are insecure of themselves, it feels so good to come to a place where you feel like you can be yourself. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Being comfortable in your skin and secure in who you are is rare and so attractive! For me, after being beat down by negativity from some family members who shall remain nameless and society, being confident in who I am is quite possibly the best thing to have come out of being single for so long.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE.
Being single is a time you can have all to yourself. You. Yourself. And well, YOU. You learn what you want out of life and how you want to shape your life. This is the time to explore what you want out of life. Does having a remote business and the freedom to travel anywhere give you life or does staying put and being a high-powered executive make you feel you? Whatever it is, the time you’re single is when you get to figure things out for yourself with no interruptions.
One of the best things I’ve learned being single is what I want out of life. I’ve learned that I’m extremely independent and that taking this time to explore what I want is vital to my future and happiness. And what have I learned so far? I wanted to and am building a remote business so I can be my own boss. During my time of being single, I’ve learned that I want the freedom of having options later on down the road. Whether my future husband is a globe-trotter because of his job or if I want to work from home, I still want to build something that’s for me, but have the freedom to go wherever I want or wherever he is for his job.
YOU KNOW WHO YOU WANT IN A PARTNER.
Speaking of future husband, I’ve learned during my time of being single that I’m not the type to date around. I’m more of a relationship kind of woman. And that’s okay.
The most important thing that being single has taught me is to know who I want in a partner.
And I’m not going to settle because I know choosing a partner who does this is important to me:
I’ve also learned that I don’t just want a husband. I want a partner. And I want a partner who is a go-getter, self-motivated, determined, funny, and caring. He has to be self-aware, understanding, humble, know when to work hard and play hard, and acts accordingly because he knows there are others who are watching him because he sees himself as a role model.
He has to be the type who challenges me, pushes me, and calls me out during moments when I’m hard on myself or not giving it my all. I need to keep up with him and he needs to keep up with me. What I’ve also learned is that we need to be able to support each other in ways where we can talk about anything and everything under the sun. And some days, we may not need to talk at all and just being in each others presence is enough.
What I’ve learned while I’ve been single is that it’s important to me that he’s independent, has his own goals, and is doing his thing. And he has to be okay if I’m not involved in that part of his life at times or at all and vice versa with my life. I never want either of us to resent the other as our goals may be extremely different.
To me, it’s not just about being in a relationship, it’s about being the other half of a partnership.
I can’t explain to you how important being single has been for me. It’s helped me to learn who I am, find confidence in myself, know what I want out of life, and learn who I want in a future partner. If it says anything, I really believe that being single for a long time does prepare you to be a great partner to someone else.
You can be single and happy if you choose to be single. And you can be happy when you’re in a relationship as well. Gary Vaynerchuck said it well. Don’t let society tell you when you should get married. However, when you do, just make sure you choose the right partner because who you choose does have a part in your overall health and happiness.
On a side note, if you’re interested, here are a few retailers I love that’s celebrating Singles Day with sales:
Flowy Printed Shirt (comes in a yellow too)| Coated Skinny Jeans | Avery Crossbody Bag | Huggie Earrings (sold out; similar rose gold pave huggie earrings)| Liquid lipstick in Sell Out (currently 20% off)