For the last couple of years, I’ve learned a lot about forgiveness, especially with loved ones. I have learned what happens when one chooses to forgive and when one chooses not to forgive.
That’s the thing. Forgiving someone is intentional. Forgiveness is purposefully changing how you feel regarding a wrongdoing that has affected you. Forgiving someone involves letting go of any negative emotions, sometimes in hopes of mending the relationship that has been damaged or just wishing someone well.
Within the last decade, I’ve been hurt by my family and my closest friends. I had the hardest time forgiving a family member of mine until a former coworker told me something that changed my life, which I’ll touch on a little later.
About five years later, I was burned by my closest friends. Being lied to, strung along, wasting my time and being dragged down to the lowest of lows was not fun.
I spent many nights crying because I was that hurt. I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum, but I firmly believe it’s much harder to NOT forgive someone than to let go and accept someone’s apology for their wrongdoing.
Whether the offense was unintentional or intentional, here’s what happens when you don’tforgive someone who has hurt you:
You can’t really move on until you forgive the offender.
As crazy as this sounds, it’s true. When you don’t forgive the offender, you can’t move on. You keep living in the past, replaying the incident in your head over and over again. And it’ll keep happening until you forgive the person who has hurt you.
Holding a grudge takes a lot of YOUR energy.
I didn’t have a good relationship or much of one with a certain family member because this person destroyed our family. I quietly held a grudge for 11 years. One day, my former coworker asked me what happened. I told her that my family was ripped apart by this person and my parents reputation as a couple and as individuals were messed up. She told me one thing that forever changed my perspective on forgiveness. She said something along the lines of, “Being angry takes a lot of energy. YOUR energy. The person you’re mad at, can function and sleep well, but what about you?
Your resentment/bitterness will affect your life in various ways.
This goes along with the second point I just talked about. No matter how hard you try to go about your day, your anger towards the offender will seep into all that you do. You’ll find yourself thinking of the incident when you’re in the middle of a project. Your concentration and focus is unclear so therefore, your mind can’t function at its best.
For me, once I learned what happens when I don’t forgive someone who has wronged me, I started changing my perspective. If you’re like me, obviously, it takes time to forgive someone. You may want to walk away and cool down before you confront the situation. And that’s normal. Once you come to a place of peace is when you can release all the negative emotions you have towards the situation. When that happens, that’s when you can forgive someone, even if you do it in baby steps.
And here’s what you’ll gain when you forgive your offender:
Increase in energy
And trust me, it’ll do you a world of good. You’ll also feel better when you forgive whoever has hurt you. I know, I know. Start with baby steps if you have to. Oh and know that you can forgive someone without telling them about it too.
Just trust me on this forgiveness thing.
How do you handle forgiveness in relationships?
If someone has wronged you in the past, how did you handle the forgiveness part?
Onto the outfit, I am a huge fan of Alexis, especially their lace pieces. Obviously, when I found this Alexis top at Clotheshorse, I stopped dead in my tracks. Could this be? A top that retailed for $320 is $68? No. Way. Well, it’s true.
So, I paired it with my favorite leggings, sparkly heels and my favorite coat and called it a day! And a great day it was since I totally won by finding this beautiful piece!
If you’re in the Dallas area, stay tuned for an event I’ll be hosting with Clotheshorse this month!
SHOP THE OUTFIT:
What are your plans for the week?! I’m going to a F1RST conference at my church after work this week and then head home to finish up cleaning out my closet for the season and bagging everything up to either sell or donate.
DISCLOSURE: Thank you to Clotheshorse Anonymous for partnering with me on this post! All thoughts and opinions are my own. As always, thank you for supporting my sponsors!